Dear Big Leaf Maple,
Although I’ve tried for a number of years to be friends, it’s just not working out. Not to be rude or anything, but you are in the way. You see, I have plans. Big plans. And I just can’t do them with you around. I know it’s harsh. You are probably shocked I came right out and just said it. I could have spared your feelings, but it would have been disingenuous. With some relationships, the only ending is a bad ending. This is one of them.
Without you around, my days will be much sunnier. You simply cast too large of a shadow. It gets me down. Plus, I have other friends just like you and they are not in the way. They know their place.
Yes, we did have some good times. You were great to have around on a hot sunny day. But you see, those days are few and far between here. You just don’t fit in. So, my decision has been made. It’s over. I’m sorry you only lived to be thirty-five. But good-bye.
P.S. I’m sure you’ll find some great new friends who like you much better as fire wood.
P.P.S. I’m SORRY! 😦